Fish Made Me Broke

I have many flaws, some that I am able to control more than others.

When it comes to hobbies ... I think I may have a real problem.

I never actively seek out new hobbies, they are usually thrust upon me.

My brain latches on to new things and a strange sense of what is either blind ambition or misplaced confidence gradually removes control of my actions from the more reasonable part of my brain.

The first move my hobby addicted brain makes is to place the new activity at an indefensibly high point on my priorities list.

The more reasonable part of my brain is the part of me that has any understanding of the flow of money. It is therefore acutely aware that the vast majority of the time, I don't have any.

The ambitious side however has no such concerns, it merely sees money as a tool to achieve its goals. And now it can look at my updated priorities list, which it has secretly doctored, and give itself justification to take control of my purchases.

This is where things start to go badly wrong.

As a result I tend to steer myself away from new activities that are destined to financially ruin me. However sometimes freak events occur, planets align and a new thing is forced upon me.

I can safely say that I blame my current bank balance on the appearance of two goldfish named Barry and Luciano.

How do goldfish just appear I hear you ask?

Well what else do you get a marine biologist for a secret Santa present?

The downward spiral began as soon as I got them home and continued for the next two years.

I have illustrated the main chain of events from then until now.

Well I attempted to draw all of it.... but it did not end there.

You would think that at some point I would have looked up how large goldfish get, and you would be right, and yet this information still did not inform my choice of tank up to that point. So instead of simply admitting that I could not realistically afford a tank large enough for two adult goldfish, I took the more entertaining option of continually buying larger tanks whenever they outgrew them. You must understand that after about the first week, my deranged hobby orientated brain had taken over, and admitting defeat would mean the end of the hobby... which was unacceptable.

Eventually my goldfish outgrew even that tank and I made my final tank upgrade.

And this is how I ended up with this monstrosity

You may notice a severe absence of goldfish in this tank. Well whilst my hobby brain is fully dedicated to pursuing its goals through any financial means necessary, when it comes to actually putting in physical effort.... for example the effort needed to regularly clean up the poop of two adult goldfish (for anyone thinking about getting goldfish, do not get goldfish, they poop constantly, that is not an over exaggeration) then it quickly becomes jaded with the idea.

Essentially I moved my goldfish on to another home as they were ruining my lovely giant fish tank with copious amount of poop... allowing me to go and spent more money on replacement fish.... such as Ross Kemp the sailfin pleco.... who will eventually outgrow even this tank.

And that is why I should never ever do new things.