Harry Is On A Swashbuckling Adventure And Doesn't Have Time For You

Ahoy mateys. Ye may be wondering in which murky depths I have been hiding.

Well never ye fear! Those of me harteys blessed with eagle eyes will have spotted on the bow of my blog that I am now an unsuccessful marine biologist who actually occasionally does do some work as a marine biologist... in Kent.... yar.

Ye will also notice that I have started talking in a manner which reflects my outstandingly full and shiny maritime beard! In which I can stash my shellfish, gull eggs and stolen dabloons.

I'll stop now.

I was planning on bringing my Bamboo tablet to complete some drawings for future posts but unfortunately I forgot... that's it... I just forgot. Not everything can be exciting, especially in Kent.

This includes the picture which I owe Eve Estelle for being the first to comment on my blog. (By the way, Eve Estelle is a rather talented poet and any fans of poetry should check out her blog at eveofnight.blogspot.co.uk) She ordered a picture of an owl but due to the long wait and the fact that I have drawn an owl on here before... the picture now also contains a significant portion of Andy MacDowell. As well as a tale about fog youths and a reminder that I still haven't written a post about a crispy duck.

I'm now going to talk you through a picture that was in my head but I can't draw it because I have nothing to draw it with. This blog is reaching for new frontiers!

I could be in Kent for between a week or a month but normal posting service will resume in time. I'm on night shifts and irregular days which is weird. It means that when I'm not working I end up awake all night watching early morning television. There's this new girl on BBC 3 or 4 or 5, I forget, that essentially goes on holiday taking a tour of all the best places to buy drugs, talking to dealers and cooks (usually in their own secret kitchen hideout) and finding out how they make the drugs and how much you can sell them for. She then leaves and hopes that the police can somehow find that hideout if only someone knew where it was.

One of the jungle drugs palace / tent hideouts was protected by bees, I thought coincidentally. But it turns out no they actually get some bees and put them around the hideout to scare people away. I couldn't help wonder how this bee collection and delivery system worked. Can you pay-per-bee? If I wanted to defend something small and precious like my favorite pencil or my penis can I just park one bee on there?

How do you get the bees to obey you? Someone... most likely you... is going to have to open the parcel of bees when it arrives. God forbid an unsuspecting curious relative feels the urge to open your buzzing box (you can laugh at buzzing box) and ends up with a swarm of African killer bees straight to the face.

Does a parcel of bees weigh anything if all the bees are flying? (yes)

There's a picture in there somewhere, until I return from the high seas I am going to require many of you to up your game and use your imagination. By the way if anyone ever starts a honey/bee business or is tempted to buy honey/bees, please use the phrase pay-per-bee at some point as it tickles me awfully.

This post lost all structure a while ago... I'll finish with this beautiful photo from Kent.

Nerd Fact Of The Time Period : Jellyfish

If you are like me, and I know I am, then you think jellyfish are awesome.


However if you are one of the many people who is not me, then jellyfish probably resemble some

alien semi-invisible harbingers of death that should be eradicated or tortured until we can discover

who sent them.


I am here today not to make you fall in love with these transparent death-bots but at the very least

appreciate that they are pretty darn remarkable, in this episode of.....



♪♫NERD FACT OF THE TIME PERIOD! ♪♫

Jellyfish, part of the larger group Cnidaria (puts on nerd glasses) come in many shapes and sizes, 

from parasites to colossal Lions Mane jellies with tentacles trailing over 35m!

No-matter how they live however, jellyfish are incredibly simple animals. sitting near the foot of the 

animal evolutionary tree they lack some home comforts of more 'advanced' animals such as 

ourselves and ducks. Mainly unnecessary frivolous things such as brains or any real organs other 

than a simple sack for digesting food.

With such a simple digestive system, it is also true that jellyfish poop through the same hole that 

they eat. So even if you really really like them, please add this to your reasons not to kiss a jellyfish.

Despite being an animal with a short instruction sheet (Lego are you listening? Lego jellyfish please) 

Jellyfish are able to boast a very impressive list of achievements.

They are suspected of being the inventors of movement.... and I feel that alone should mean I don't 

have to keep writing anymore... as that achievement is about as big as they get.

I mean imagine how bad-ass you are if you start moving around eating things when nothing else can 

move! This also gives them the title of first ever active predators, the cougars of the ancient seas.

Remember how I mentioned that jellyfish don't have brains? Well if you think that would somewhat 

hinder basic abilities then just remember that the jellyfish DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU 

THINK! Most jellyfish have eyes and, whilst most are simply eye spot that are able to tell light from 

dark to keep them near the surface, some even have complex eyes with cornea, retinas and lenses. 

Allowing some jellies like the box-jellyfish (do not touch, especially if you are an Australian, 

Australians seem especially vulnerable) to see shapes and actively hunt! Brain schmain!

Now for some extra cool types of jellyfish!

The first is Turritopsis dohrnii, also known as the Immortal jellyfish, that's right, the Immortal 

jellyfish!!

This species has the ability to, when attacked or ill or merely fed up with how its life has turned out

revert back to its larval stage on the seafloor and start all over again! Theoretically there is no limit 

to how many times this can happen. It's like a real life doctor who!

Imagine that ability in your old age.

Awesome Jellyfish number 2!! The Portuguese Man O' War!!

Ok ok so I'm stretching this jellyfish definition. The Man O' War is not a true jellyfish, it is a 

Siphonophore, another member of the Cnidarian group. 

The awesome thing about it is that it isn't even an 'it'! Technically it is a 'they'.

The Man O' War is actually a colony of four different organisms called zooids which are highly 

specialized and work together to form a single animal.... Just picture if you linked arms with a bear, 

an elephant and a snake... and you all had jobs such as eating, moving, catching and having sex.... 

then you get the idea.

Awesome Jellyfish Cnidarian number 3!! Corals!

Hey Cnidarians count... leave me alone. Another member of the group are corals. Very close 

relatives to jellyfish they are essentially huge colonies of tiny jellies that build immense stone castles 

together and all life on the surface as kind of upside down jellyfish with their mouths and tentacles 

facing into the water. It just so happens that these death castles (not quite as deadly as regular jellies 

can be.... don't touch fire coral though) are often very attractive and full of pretty colors.

This also means that Cnidarians have created the largest living structure on Earth, the Great Barrier 

Reef!

As a final note. Jellyfish stings hurt. Please do not pee on them, this often makes things worse. The 

best thing to wash it with is seawater (seems counter intuitive I know) and definitely not fresh water.

Nerd Fact Of The Time Period! : Lizards

Welcome back useless information sponges for another exciting edition of Nerd Fact Of The Period!

♪♫NERD FACT OF THE TIME PERIOD! ♪♫

(I am aware this jingle doesn't translate through text so to help you the tune is DOO-BE-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOOOOBEDOO. Pretty sure that explains it accurately)

How many eyes do lizards have?

Two I hear you say...

Then I laugh in your face whilst wearing my giant novelty nerd glasses!

Lizards actually have three eyes. The Parietal eye is located on top of the head between the eyes. Whilst not as developed as the main eyes it is capable of detecting changes in light (useful when your main predators are birds). Although in some reptiles such as the Tuatara it is more developed with a retina and lens.

Okay so its small enough that people generally wouldn't know this but still. Why don't people know this!?

If this was taught to me as a child then it would make animals that extra bit awesome. These are the types of facts kids need to get enthused!

But anyways, on a scale of one to awesome, lizards are at least a 16.

All hail the mighty triclops!!

♪♫NERD FACT OF THE TIME PERIOD! ♪♫

Nerd Fact of the Time Period!

If there is anything a degree in Marine Biology has given me it is the ability to hold on to random facts that aren't really useful to any normal people.


However if some of these are enough that you read them and say "huh well I didn't know that before!" and then never remember it or relay that information to anyone ever..... that will be enough to make my efforts worthwhile.


I had originally named this 'Nerd Fact of the Week' but realized just how much pressure that would put me under... and I am just not ready for that kind of responsibility.


So this is the Nerd Fact of the Time Period. It will technically be 'of the week' any way no matter when I post it.... even if I didn't post one the week before. All I would have to do is make sure I don't post another one that week... which means I have to do less!!! I think that mental gymnastics deserves a nerd fact prize.


So the first Nerd Fact is this.....


This is how a starfish eats......

.....Starfish turn inside out and put their own stomachs onto their food to absorb it......



Starfish are insane