Vague Crispy Duck, Fog Youths and Eve's Prize.

Swashbuckling adventure over. Here are the updates you missed because I couldn't draw any pictures.


Message 1: Remember last time when I said that the next post will be called 'A Crispy Duck' ?

"The next post will be entitled 'A Crispy Duck' if that clarifies this blogs place in internetland any better."

See... I did say that.

Well clearly that was a lie.... but I was not to know at the time.

Essentially it has been three weeks since my last post. I came back today to start working on my next post and my notes for the next post simply consists of :

"A Crispy Duck : Remember that time with the crispy duck?!? "

Now I have no doubt there is an incident with a crispy duck... it may even be hilarious. But with my current amount of notes I have no idea what it is.

I assure you, for the sake of my integrity assuming I have gained some, the second I remember what it was you shall have your crispy post.



Message 2: I drove to Blackburn (or Blackb'n as it is known locally) over the weekend on a particularly foggy night in order to pick up a drum kit for a friend. As we arrived we noticed that we had stumbled upon a phenomenon that the locals of Blackb'n refer to as 'Fog Youths'.

Fog Youths are the result of a rare process (known only in Blackb'n) by which bands of youths are able to condense out of thick fog and then proceed to wander the streets of Blackb'n aimlessly. Presumably until they reach something to vandalize, or a high street sports clothing outlet, or the Blackb'n city limits, at which point they with evaporate and return to the fog.

It is for this reason that the citizens of Blackb'n go to great lengths to ensure that their home is airtight. Fog Youths are quite capable of entering under doorways, down chimneys or through windows left on vent, condensing in your living room ... and stealing your telly.

Meteorologists will tell you that Fog Youths are caused when a cold rebellious Scottish air front travels south and mixes with a warm air front emanating from the entrance of the Blackb'n branch of JD sports. This mixture reacts in a way that involves many big important words that I wont bore you with, producing the thick magical fog of Blackb'n.


Now... obviously these were just regular youths on a foggy Blackb'n night, with only semi-criminal tendencies. But it's a strange effect that anything appearing out of dense fog at night is instantly 286% more intimidating and somewhat magical. Even things that you would usually enjoy seeing become terrifying. Like if I bumped into my pet rabbit on a foggy night.

Message 3: One person has managed to not be an asshole and actually commented on my posts! (Love you really non-commenters..... just less....) Eve Estelle has therefore won herself a picture! Just to show you all that good things happen for people who DO AS I SAY! (phase 1: berate/abuse , phase 2 : encourage/reward) Eve chose to receive a picture of an Owl.. but I kind of already drew an Owl on here.... so for a bonus I made a poem too

So here is an Owl with jowls wearing a towel and a cowl.
It's standing next to Andie Macdowell with a strange scowl.
Who ate something fowl whilst out on the prowl and upset her irritable bowl.
The Owl has unwittingly stepped on a trowel which caused it to yowl in pain.
Hence the long stream of vowels.
The Owls name is..... Raul.... but you say it like it rhymes with owl....

Harry Is On A Swashbuckling Adventure And Doesn't Have Time For You

Ahoy mateys. Ye may be wondering in which murky depths I have been hiding.

Well never ye fear! Those of me harteys blessed with eagle eyes will have spotted on the bow of my blog that I am now an unsuccessful marine biologist who actually occasionally does do some work as a marine biologist... in Kent.... yar.

Ye will also notice that I have started talking in a manner which reflects my outstandingly full and shiny maritime beard! In which I can stash my shellfish, gull eggs and stolen dabloons.

I'll stop now.

I was planning on bringing my Bamboo tablet to complete some drawings for future posts but unfortunately I forgot... that's it... I just forgot. Not everything can be exciting, especially in Kent.

This includes the picture which I owe Eve Estelle for being the first to comment on my blog. (By the way, Eve Estelle is a rather talented poet and any fans of poetry should check out her blog at eveofnight.blogspot.co.uk) She ordered a picture of an owl but due to the long wait and the fact that I have drawn an owl on here before... the picture now also contains a significant portion of Andy MacDowell. As well as a tale about fog youths and a reminder that I still haven't written a post about a crispy duck.

I'm now going to talk you through a picture that was in my head but I can't draw it because I have nothing to draw it with. This blog is reaching for new frontiers!

I could be in Kent for between a week or a month but normal posting service will resume in time. I'm on night shifts and irregular days which is weird. It means that when I'm not working I end up awake all night watching early morning television. There's this new girl on BBC 3 or 4 or 5, I forget, that essentially goes on holiday taking a tour of all the best places to buy drugs, talking to dealers and cooks (usually in their own secret kitchen hideout) and finding out how they make the drugs and how much you can sell them for. She then leaves and hopes that the police can somehow find that hideout if only someone knew where it was.

One of the jungle drugs palace / tent hideouts was protected by bees, I thought coincidentally. But it turns out no they actually get some bees and put them around the hideout to scare people away. I couldn't help wonder how this bee collection and delivery system worked. Can you pay-per-bee? If I wanted to defend something small and precious like my favorite pencil or my penis can I just park one bee on there?

How do you get the bees to obey you? Someone... most likely you... is going to have to open the parcel of bees when it arrives. God forbid an unsuspecting curious relative feels the urge to open your buzzing box (you can laugh at buzzing box) and ends up with a swarm of African killer bees straight to the face.

Does a parcel of bees weigh anything if all the bees are flying? (yes)

There's a picture in there somewhere, until I return from the high seas I am going to require many of you to up your game and use your imagination. By the way if anyone ever starts a honey/bee business or is tempted to buy honey/bees, please use the phrase pay-per-bee at some point as it tickles me awfully.

This post lost all structure a while ago... I'll finish with this beautiful photo from Kent.