Ahoy mateys. Ye may be wondering in which murky depths I
have been hiding.
Well never ye fear! Those of me harteys blessed with eagle
eyes will have spotted on the bow of my blog that I am now an unsuccessful
marine biologist who actually occasionally does do some work as a marine
biologist... in Kent.... yar.
Ye will also notice that I have started talking in a manner
which reflects my outstandingly full and shiny maritime beard! In which I can stash my shellfish, gull eggs and stolen dabloons.
I'll stop now.
I was planning on bringing my Bamboo tablet to complete some
drawings for future posts but unfortunately I forgot... that's it... I just
forgot. Not everything can be exciting, especially in Kent.
This includes the picture which I owe Eve Estelle for being the first to
comment on my blog. (By the way, Eve Estelle is a rather talented poet and any fans of poetry should check out her blog at eveofnight.blogspot.co.uk) She ordered a picture of an owl but due to the long wait
and the fact that I have drawn an owl on here before... the picture now also
contains a significant portion of Andy MacDowell. As well as a tale about fog
youths and a reminder that I still haven't written a post about a crispy duck.
I'm now going to talk you through a picture that was in my
head but I can't draw it because I have nothing to draw it with. This blog is
reaching for new frontiers!
I could be in Kent for between a week or a month but normal
posting service will resume in time. I'm on night shifts and irregular days which is
weird. It means that when I'm not working I end up awake all night watching
early morning television. There's this new girl on BBC 3 or 4 or 5, I forget, that essentially
goes on holiday taking a tour of all the best places to buy drugs, talking to
dealers and cooks (usually in their own secret kitchen hideout) and finding out
how they make the drugs and how much you can sell them for. She then leaves and
hopes that the police can somehow find that hideout if only someone knew where
it was.
One of the jungle drugs palace / tent hideouts was protected
by bees, I thought coincidentally. But it turns out no they actually get some
bees and put them around the hideout to scare people away. I couldn't help
wonder how this bee collection and delivery system worked. Can you pay-per-bee?
If I wanted to defend something small and precious like my favorite pencil or
my penis can I just park one bee on there?
How do you get the bees to obey you? Someone... most likely
you... is going to have to open the parcel of bees when it arrives. God forbid
an unsuspecting curious relative feels the urge to open your buzzing box (you can laugh at buzzing box) and
ends up with a swarm of African killer bees straight to the face.
Does a parcel of bees weigh anything if all the bees are
flying? (yes)
There's a picture in there somewhere, until I return from
the high seas I am going to require many of you to up your game and use your
imagination. By the way if anyone ever starts a honey/bee business or is
tempted to buy honey/bees, please use the phrase pay-per-bee at some point as
it tickles me awfully.
This post lost all structure a while ago... I'll finish with this beautiful photo from Kent.
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